I will never understand how people with such beautiful souls, incredible minds, empathetic hearts and an energy that is so radiant it captures the attention of everyone around them, are given such burdens to carry in this world. Never.
I did not choose to have an eating disorder. The eating disorder chose me. I carried the weight of many secrets and burdens starting at a very young age, for a very long time. This weight caused me to feel heavier than ever. My eating disorder allowed me to focus on it and not on the pain and weight I was carrying. My eating disorder made me to believe I could control the burdens I was in the midst of by controlling my food. My eating disorder made me feel powerful when it taught me to exercise, exercise, and exercise.
I grew up in an abusive home. Most of what I did was met with ridicule and punishment. There was no way out, no way to fight back. I was powerless, until my eating disorder filled my head with power. Power was granted to me as I paid more attention to my eating disorder than I did the trauma that was brewing around me. More power was granted to me as I rebelled against my body.
I always feared that what I was enduring at home would kill me. I never could have imagined the thing that saved me from that chaos, my eating disorder, was doing the same thing. I left home as soon as I could. That abuse stopped; however, not all of the abuse stopped. My eating disorder became my perpetrator, and I listened in order to appease my eating disorder. I was trapped with no way out, especially due to not having insurance or the funds to cover treatment.
My first year of graduate school I obtained health insurance through Obama Care. I was contemplating life and on the verge of being one more person to lose their battle with an eating disorder.
I entered treatment broken, scared, and apprehensive. I was told treatment was a way out, a way to free myself from my eating disorder, but I feared I would still become a statistic, that I would be one more life lost.
Fast forward after a year of treatment and four years of out-patient care, I am thriving in recovery. A huge part of my recovery has been giving back to those still stuck in the grips of their eating disorders, to give back to the ones who think they will be one more to lose the horrific battle with their eating disorder and not win freedom and recovery. I share my story with them: the journey through the darkness of my eating disorder and the trudge through treatment and the light of recovery.
Not one more, is a statement I hold very dearly in my heart. I believe there is a way out of an eating disorder. I believe there is light in the darkness that can pull us all through to recovery.
Most importantly, not one more means that not one more person is turned away from treatment and help in regards to breaking away from the grips of their eating disorders. Not one more person should need to suffer one moment further because of a price tag to get the help they so desperately need, especially when they want the help just as desperately.
With this passion, my mission is to provide peer-led support services for those who need hope, who need guidance to not be one more.
Timberline Knolls Residential Treatment Center is a nationally respected residential and outpatient treatment center for women and girls who are struggling with eating disorders, substance use disorders, trauma, and other mental health concerns. Our facility combines clinical services, education, and expressive therapies to enhance our continuum of life-changing care. Through the use of evidence-based practices and techniques such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), 12-Step recovery principles, trauma awareness, and experiential therapies, we help adolescent girls and women help themselves in their journey toward a more fulfilling life. For more information, please log on to www.timberlineknolls.com.